If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
