I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
