well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
