We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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