i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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