How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
