i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
