This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I could fuck to npr.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
