Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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