When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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