dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
