I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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