PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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