we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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