So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
