ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
