:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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