dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
