the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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