Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
