We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
