you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You took a bar mat shot.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
