dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
