it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
