Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
