the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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