Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
