Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
