Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need to align my fucking chakras
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