like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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