she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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