tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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