There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're like the curious george of whores
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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