He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
