pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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