After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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