quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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