Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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