Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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