i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
