Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
