really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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