By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize