she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
