going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
