when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
