Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
