I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
