he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My feet surprised me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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