I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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