So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
