I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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