A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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