There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
