So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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