Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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