omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
