Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
