My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
