I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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