Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
