Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize