we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize