My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
