i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
