I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
