hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
