we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
