i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
