I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
