Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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