Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
