I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
