He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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