apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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