Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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