i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
