we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
