Where is the hickey?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
