the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
