I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
