I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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