I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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