her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
