I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize