I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
