i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
