In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I want her autograph on my taint
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
