I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize