i just wanna soil my oats bro
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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