so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
