im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just puked most of my soul out..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
