I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize