He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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