this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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