I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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