I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
