she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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