Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
