Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I looked at my own cervix.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
