OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
